Jojo’s Tips For Picking Your Bracket! Win Big Cash! Have Fun!

The NCAA Basketball Tournament hits high gear tomorrow, and if you're like many, you'll be trying to fill in a bracket hoping to win cash in the office pool.

Are you having trouble in a parity filled college basketball world (where an average team like Syracuse gets into the Big Dance) picking winners? Just follow my handy bracket picking guide to riches and fun!

First, find your champion. It's best if you're a fan of that team. For instance, Michigan State has a good team this season and traditionally does well in March. That's why they call Coach Tom Izzo, 'The Iz of March'. So I'm picking State to win it all (along with everyone else in Michigan). So let's just go ahead and pick them winning all their games.

Second, you need a Cinderella team. Every year one loser lower seeded team defies the odds and makes it at least to the Sweet Sixteen. You have to decide who that is. It's technically impossible, but you have to do it. If you're right, you'll be a HUGE winner, if you're wrong, your chance of winning is destroyed. But it will happen, so flip a coin, or come up with some wacked out logic and pick one. I'm going with 'Hawaii' because I've always wanted to go there and I liked 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall', which was set in Hawaii. So I write them in for two wins. HANG LOOSE, Toby!

Third, pick the best conference in the country. I'm going with the Big Ten. Now, choose one of their lesser teams to make the Final Four. Let's say Maryland, because they have a lot of talent, but couldn't get thir s*** together in the regular season. Put them in the Final Four. Now pick every other team in that conference to lose because there isn't a best conference in the country.

Fourth, find a Mid-Major team you like. Every year, a so called Mid-Major conference team makes a run to the Elite Eight or further (THINK: Butler or George Mason before they joined a power conference). These are conferences with weird names like the 'HORIZON' or 'PATRIOT LEAGUE'. Got one? Good. Put them down for three wins. I chose a school called 'North Carolina-Wilmington' from something called 'The Colonial Conference'.

Fifth, find a power conference team with a chip on its shoulder or something to prove. They will get to the Final Four and their coach will be able to talk about how they always get 'disrespected', even though he makes millions of dollars a year, and most of his starting lineup will be in the NBA next year making bank. This year it's obviously John Capilari and Kentucky. Put them in the Final Four.

All you have to do now is fill out the rest of your bracket. You can pretend you know college basketball and make reasoned guesses accordingly, but let's face it, even the guy who says 'ONIONS!' all the time on TV games doesn't know squat about college basketball. It's a bunch of 19 year olds who spend most of their free time smoking pot, playing video games and trying to bang chicks just like you did in college. Would you trust your 19 year old self to accomplish anything great like stopping Denzel Valentine in the paint? Of course you wouldn't. Instead, randomly pick teams based on things like their cool uniforms or whether their coach will leave for the pros next year. It also helps if a team is playing for a sick kid or Mom. They generally win a game or two.

You've done it! You've successfully filled in a 'BRACKET'! Be proud, and sit back and realize you'll never get that five dollars back! You could have gotten two hot dogs at Johnny B'z!