My First Seven Jobs? I’m So Old Many Of Them Don’t Exist Any More

Apparently it's a thing for folks to list their first seven jobs on social media using the hashtag #MyFirstSevenJobs. 

Here's the thing about that, kids, when you ask somebody my age to list my first seven jobs, you may find yourself asking questions like, 'why would they pay someone to do that?'

The Digital Media manager here at Townsquare suggested I include photographic examples of me at these various jobs, if at all possible. It isn't. When I was 12, I had no access to a camera, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't take a picture of me working. We didn't have fun working back then, it was WORK, dammit!

1. Scorekeeper, Saginaw Parks and Recreation -- I was 12 years old when a friend told me they would pay you two dollars a game if you kept score for the adult softball leagues at Hoyt Park, which was just down the street from my house in Saginaw. You could clear 20 dollars over a weekend if there was a major tournament. Do you know what kind of money that was to a 12-year-old? Big money. Let's just say I had baseball cards. Lots and lots of baseball cards. This was a great summer job and lasted until I was 18 and had advanced to umpiring youth baseball and softball games. This job no longer exists as there are now apps that you can use.

2. Newspaper delivery boy, Detroit Free Press -- At 14, I picked up a delivery route for the Detroit Free Press. The problem was, unlike the local Saginaw News, which everyone subscribed to, the Free Press subscribers were few and far between, which means I had to ride my bike. Every day. Even through blizzards. Have you ever rode your bike in a blizzard? No, you haven't. It sucks. This job didn't last long. Now the few remaining newspaper delivery jobs are done by adults driving cars.

3. Burger flipper, Burger King -- When I could get a real job at 16, I added a fast food job to cover my comic book addiction in the winter months. This had an added perk, you could take home leftover Whoppers and Yumbos at the end of your shift. BK rocks on, and Yumbos have returned, albeit in a new form.

4. Dishwasher, Taco Villa -- At 17, I thought I'd moonlight one summer from my Parks job by working nights at a delicious taco stand downtown. Bad move. Scraping burnt beef off of serving pans is no way to go through life, son. I'm too much of a Libertine. This place closed in the '90s and is now an abandoned building.

5. Steering Linkage Assembler, Saginaw Steering Gear -- When graduation came about, I took a job building steering linkages at the local GM plant. Yes, it's a stereotypical Michigan job, but then again, I'm a stereotypical Michigan dude. If you happen to have a 1978 or 1979 model year Camaro, there's a good chance I had my hands on some part of your steering linkage, and you should have it rebuilt as soon as possible. There are still a few jobs at what is now Nexteer in Saginaw, but most of the assmbly is done by robots.

6. Pari-Mutual Clerk and Money Counter, Saginaw Valley Downs -- My favorite summer job from college years, I basically sold bets at the local harness horse racing track. The beauty of this job was the people I worked with, who were all great fun to hang out with and drink (heavily). It was also my peek into the world of gambling addiction, which was not pretty and kept me away from gambling forever. SVD closed in 2005 after the Racino bill failed which would have allowed casino gambling at Michigan tracks.

7. Various bartender and waiting jobs, Mt. Pleasant -- I worked a few waiting and bartending jobs while attending college at Central Michigan. If you went to CMU in the late '70s or early '80s and ever visited the Bird or The Clock restaurant, I may have served you. (In some cases, too much, I suppose, especially at the Bird). The Clock is now closed, but The Bird still exists and seems to be doing fairly well.