The DEA Agent
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there.....", as he poi
The Leg Injury
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
The Animal Game
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
"What animal is this?" she asked.
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked,
The Old Brothel
On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait."
"But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."
"Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."
"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
Fingernail Biting
To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat. "I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter.
Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. "If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?" "You'll be fatter than that," says her mother.
Ivy Legue Trip
A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: "Sir, can you please tell me where your library is at?"
The man looked down his nose and replied: "Son, I'm head of the English department, and I can assure you we don't end our sentences with prepositions
Down By the Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
The Heart Attack
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What's up?” she asks.
“I think I'm having a heart attack,” cries the husband.
Doctor & the Lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
A
World's Greatest Invention
Three men were debating the greatest invention of all time.
The first man declared, "Why, it's got to be the wheel. Without the wheel, we'd go nowhere or move anything."
The Drunk's Car
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator," he cried out
Converting a Bear
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They’d get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard — a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.
They’d all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
