Jokes

Converting a Bear A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They’d get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard — a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and

Highway to Hawaii A guy was walking along the beach, found a bottle, and picked it up. A magical genie popped out and said, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish." The guy said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is for you to build a highway from here to Hawaii.&quo

Man's First Love A man, sitting at home with his wife, said, completely out of the blue, "I love you." She asked, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

The New Doctor I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned seventy-eight ). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, “Do you think I'll live to be 85...

Questions on a Train A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long train ride. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game...

Trapped on an Island Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. The first blonde says, "I wish I were 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Immediately she turns into a redhead and swims off the island.

The Limo Driver A passenger in a hired limousine leaned over to ask the driver for the time and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver shrieked, lost control of the vehicle, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a plate glass window...

The Two Lawyers Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.  One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating i

Engineer Husband A wife says to her engineer husband, "Could you please go to the store for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."

The Pretty Golfer Three of my friends, A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

The Catalogue Two Irish men were looking at a mail order catalogue and admiring the models. 
Paddy says to Mick, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?" "Yes," Mick replies, "they are very beautiful. And look at the price! "
Paddy says with wide eyes, "Wow! They aren't very expensive! At this price, I'm buying one."

The Blonde's Old Car A blonde woman was trying to get rid of her car, but was having trouble selling it. The problem came when every prospective buyer would see the odometer at 230,000 miles. She asked a mechanic friend of hers what to do, and he offered to set back the odometer for her. Without delay, she had him take 200,000 miles off her car.