I Hate To Tell You Michigan But Your Boardwalks Are Terrible
This weekend was a celebration of America's birthday. While I believe America does not (and has never) deserve a birthday, it was nice to see everyone have a break from work, eat their weight in hot dogs and see the firework shows around the state.
However, it seems like people did not want to have a peaceful holiday weekend.
Sources state that Grand Haven State Park had to close down their "boardwalk" due to multiple fights.
This is why good Michigan boardwalks need to exist. If they existed, people would have been too busy to tussle.
After this holiday weekend, my belief against Michigan boardwalks is stronger than ever before.
According to CNN, Ocean City, Maryland has the sixth-best boardwalk in the United States. Due to this statistic, I believe that I am the best person to give my critique on what is and is not a boardwalk.
Here are my reasons why Michigan cannot claim the state has a boardwalk.
1. No ocean
Oxford Dictionary defines a beach as
"a pebbly or sandy shore, especially by the ocean between high- and low-water marks."
Last time I checked, Michigan is way too far from any ocean. Do not get mad at the messenger. While I loved my time at Grand Haven "beach", it was not like the beach experiences I have had across the country.
2. No boardwalk fries
This breaks my heart knowing that Michiganders do not get to experience the warm tummy embrace from a bucket of boardwalk fries. These fries would be the sole mission of a beach day. Regardless of how long the line was, I would not leave the beach without consuming at least 2 buckets of fries.
3. No amusement-themed activities
In Chicago, CNN says that
"Navy Pier has got a 150-foot-high Ferris wheel that lets you take in the skyline and the lake, a carousel, wave swinger, mini-golf, and remote-control boats in season."
If you would like to have a real boardwalk experience, the #1 boardwalk in the country is located at the Navy Pier in Chicago.
Whenever I went to the beach with younger family members, I would always take them to the Ferris Wheel or the Ripley's Believe It Or Not attraction. Besides learning how to fight, you could send the kiddies off to the different kid-friendly attractions and carnival games.
Where can the kiddies and I get our inauthentic henna tattoo on a Michigan "boardwalk"?
Friendly reminder: Don't be mad at Lisha B for telling you this information.
