Alien Abduction Insurance Now Available in Michigan

Well of course there's Alien Abduction Insurance. In a world where Gene Simmons can insure his tongue anything is possible. The Saint Lawrence Agency in Altamonte Springs, Florida (of course it's in Florida) offers the $10,000,000 policy and has sold over 35,000 of them and has paid out on one claim.

Why Michiganders Should Consider Alien Abduction Insurance

According to Ranker.com Michigan ranks #5 in "Which States You Are Most Likely to Be Abducted In". Why Michigan? Well if resources are what they're looking for, the Mitten State is chock full of them. Faygo? Check. Vernors? Check. Blue collar work force that could be enslaved in order to construct an entire alien fleet of ships, so long as they work with the UAW and Teamsters? Check.

Related: Dozens of Dead Frozen in Michigan Lab: See Inside Cryogenic Storage

The Great Lakes themselves are the biggest carrot dangled in front of outer space interlopers. Maybe their thirsty, really enjoy knee-boarding, or they bought a boat and their spouse is giving them a hard time because there's no water on their planet and in order to get them to be quiet they've come to Michigan to abduct you so they can learn where all your best fishing spots are. How do you protect yourself from this? Alien Abduction Insurance.

Related: Did This Michigan University Capture a Near-Death Experience?

What does the Saint Lawrence Agency's Alien Abduction Policy cover? According to the website, the Abductee will be covered:

...in the event the ABDUCTEE  is abducted by an alien NOT from the planet earth.

Sounds simple enough, but as with any type of insurance policy, there are some hoops you'll need to jump through to receive a payout. You must get the signature of the Authorized Onboard Alien before any payments can be made.

Has Anyone Ever Successfully Made an Alien Abduction Insurance Claim

Yep. One policy holder was able to cash-in on their $10,000,000 policies. Mike Saint Lawrence, the owner of the Florida based Saint Lawrence Agency, spoke with USA Today in February 2023:

In the first instance, a cab driver from New York had been telling friends about his abduction his whole life and called the insurance agency to share the story. In the second instance, a train conductor from New York had sent an overexposed Polaroid picture with his claim, saying that the lighting in the UFO was bad.

Both claims were honored, and they began receiving their $10,000,000 payment, which is paid in $1 increments annually for 10,000,000 million years.

 Can You Afford Not to Be Covered?

If you've decided now is the right time to cover you and your loved ones in the event you are beamed aboard an alien spacecraft and taken on an interplanetary adventure and won't be home to make the car payment, just head over to the Saint Lawrence Agency's website and for just $24.95 you'll be covered and a digital policy will be sent to your email. For $29.95 you'll be mailed a hard copy of your policy so you can frame it and hang it in your office or home.