Jokes

Chick on a Bike Tom was a long time gate guard at the Berlin Wall. Chick had a daily visa to go from East to West. Every day, Chick would pedal a bicycle up to the gate carrying a small brown paper bag. Every day, Tom would ask to look inside the bag and dump the contents on the ground. Every day, all that spilled was sand.

Best Bar in the World As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion,

Cured by a Bartender A man always had a fear that someone was under his bed at night. He went to a shrink and told him “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

The Jumper A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they spotted a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

Forgive Your Enemies Toward the end of Sunday's homily, the priest asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" Almost everyone held up their hands. The priest then repeated his question. Everyone responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

A Cowboy in Heaven A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.

Nosey the Dog A man had settled in next to the window on the plane when another man took the aisle seat and then put a very large black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to him. The first man looked quizzically at the dog and asked why a dog was allowed on the plane.

The Wine Taster In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old,

Smartest Man in the World A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.

The Thankful Genie An Irishman is walking along the shore and he discovers a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “You have saved me and released me from 300 years of captivity. I will grant you three wishes.” The Irishman thinks for a minute and says, “You know, I’m a bit thirsty and I could go for a pint.”

Praised Recovery The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating

Lie Detecting Robot John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.