‘The Onion’ Trashes Hapless Lions Fans

The satirical website couldn't help piling on poor Lions fans after their tough schedule was released this week.

In a post entitled, ‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Lions Fan After Seeing They Got Matched Up Against Other Teams Again, the site beat up on the long suffering Detroit fan base by implying they shouldn't have to play games.

Dashing any hope he had for the upcoming season, Lions fan Paul Benson told reporters Thursday that Detroit was “so screwed” after seeing they got matched up against other teams again. “Ah, shit, this season is gonna suck,” said Benson upon realizing that the Lions would face other NFL teams multiple weeks in a row, decrying how unfair it was they had to repeatedly go head-to-head with professional football franchises.

The Lions released their schedule Wednesday, and even created a playlist to go along with it. The playlist includes favorites from Michigan music legends as well as songs by artists from the states of the teams that they are playing.

An extra game has been added to this year's schedule, which means that the Lions will play 17 games instead of the standard 16. This means, in theory, that the Lions could be their old record of losing 16 games in a season by going 0-17. We're hoping that doesn't happen, but we're Lions fans, so we know that anything is possible. At least we have other teams from Michigan that aren't disappointing like the Tigers, Pistons, and Red Wings. Okay, we don't - but you can't blame a guy for wishful thinking.