The 10 People You’ll Encounter at the Doctor’s Office
With flu season slowing taking down everyone you know, it’s safe to say you’ll be making a trip to the doctor’s office pretty soon. No one likes going to the doctor– it’s one of those things we just have to buckle down and do, despite wanting to drag our feet and pout like a two-year-old.
Besides the whole needle thing, what makes it super tough to just suck it up and go is the people we’ll encounter. Doctor’s offices are like magnets for all sorts of germ-filled, freaky characters who you are basically stuck in a windowless room for until the surly nurse deigns to call your name. From the annoying business dude to the screaming, snot-riddled brat, these are the 10 people you’ll encounter at a doctor’s office this flu season.
THE SURLY RECEPTIONIST
As soon as we walk into the doctor’s office, this lady’s ‘tude can be felt from a mile away. The receptionist makes it doggone clear she’d rather be shoveling horse manure than answering phone calls, and we only add to her world weary heavy sighs by asking her for a pen to sign in. She’s chompin’ on gum, gives us an eye roll and we’re left feeling sort of awkward. Sheesh, all we did was ask for a pen. Making sure we sign in is like 50% of your job, dude.
THE CRYING CHILD
Public situations always have to involve crying children. We’re not entirely sure why, but the grumpy little kiddos always pop up, whether we’re at the grocery store or at the local coffee shop. Don’t get us wrong– we love munchkins! It’s just that when they’re screaming bloody murder in an enclosed space because either their ear hurts of they’re bored waiting for their little sister to get a booster shot, it sort of makes us go nuts. Really, really nuts. And this isn’t our therapist’s office.
THE DISTRACTED BUSINESS DUDE
It can be tricky to fit in a doctor’s appointment when you’re a busy business guy, but when it does happen, the waiting room should by no means turn into a makeshift office. This super serious dude is juggling his iPhone, laptop and tablet, all while trying to score another business deal while he waits for the doc. He’s loud, obnoxious and sadly it’s illegal for us to stab him with an EpiPen.
Doctors’ offices are probably the worst places in the entire world for a hypochondriac to hang out. Germs are a-plenty, kids are coughing everywhere and it’s a viral paradise. Gross. Even we think it’s a nasty environment, so we can’t even imagine what a germaphobe feels like. Like Howie Mandel shaking hands with ‘America’s Got Talent’ contestants, probably.
THE HARD OF HEARING OLD LADY
When people get older, visits to the doctor become more frequent. They ache a little more, feel funny more often and, most importantly, lose a lot of their hearing. Cue: super hard of hearing old lady. She’s charming and all, but grandma just can’t hear. Every response to the receptionist resembles a loud roar, and it scares the heck out of everyone within a 50-foot radius.
THE COUGHING KID
The coughing kid is a staple in every doctor’s office waiting room. She’s obviously there for a reason, but hacking up a lung on our US Weekly and spreading germs without any attempted mouth cover is just straight up gross. We feel bad for the kid and all, but it takes approximately zero effort to let a cough loose in the elbow. After encountering said kid, we definitely start to feel like a semi-hypochondriac.
THE HELICOPTER MOM
Spotting a helicopter mom at the doctor’s happens so often that we would think something is desperately wrong if we didn’t see this panicky, although caring, lady hovering over her coughing child. It’s totally understandable mothers are cautious when it comes to a germ-infested kid, but when dear old Johnny is approaching 19-years-old and mom is still freaking out over a simple cough, we think it’s about time she take a small step back. Just a tad.
THE DOCTOR WHO THINKS HE’S ‘HOUSE’
If you’re unfamiliar with Dr. House, he’s basically a really intense dude who somehow diagnoses the craziest of illnesses just by looking at someone. (Every cough is toxoplasmosis basically.) He’s a pretty cool guy, and if we were doctors, he’d probably be our role model, too. However, the doctor who actually thinks he’s House interrogates the coughing kid for a good 10 minutes, trying to prove he has anything BUT a temporary lung hacking problem. There’s no need to prescribe a full body scan or request 20 different blood samples, dude.
THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE HATER
We’re not big fans of going to the doctor’s, but it’s one of those things we’ve gotta suck up sometimes and just do. However, there are those select few who simply hate going. And by that we mean they throw an adult tantrum, pout and have the worst of attitudes with all medial personnel encountered. We understand they don’t want to be there, but come on– it’s totally unnecessary to stomp their feet and huff and puff so everyone in the surrounding area knows the extent of their anger.
THE NURSE WITH A ‘TUDE
Nurses are great. They have to deal with a lot of sassy people all day long, so it’s expected they give a little bit of sass back sometimes. Except, some nurses take this ‘tude thing to a whole new level. They bark out our name in the waiting room, stare us down while we grab our coats and let out like, nine sighs in a matter of two minutes. It makes us feel weird and sort of bad, but we’re just innocent bystanders, nurse lady. No ‘tude necessary.