Michigan’s Newest Horror Attraction: The Big House Tunnel!
From being shoved by Buckeyes to getting kicked by Spartans, you never know what's coming next in The Big House Tunnel!
Spartan Suspensions Only The Latest Drama In The Dreaded Tunnel
Four Michigan State players were suspended Sunday for their assault on a pair of University of Michigan players in the Lloyd Carr Tunnel at Michigan Stadium following Saturday's Big Ten showdown. (Two incidents have taken place since they've given it a name, so maybe that was a bad idea).
If you haven't seen the video of the attack, take a look. It's not pretty.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, take a look at this one.
The Tunnel Has Been A Simmering Cauldron For A Year
The Big House, as Michigan Stadium is affectionately called, was built in 1927, and whoever designed it made the locker rooms adjacent to each other at the end of a long tunnel.
One might think that this decision was a bad one, but back in 1927, college football wasn't a billion-dollar-a-year industry, and sportsmanship reigned supreme. Players didn't mouth off to each other, and for the most part, respected each other's space.
That ended a long time ago.
Scuffles in the tunnel have dated back to the Woody-Bo era of the Ohio State rivalry, and the recent escalation links to their being much more at stake, like the CFB playoffs and the Paul Bunyan Trophy.
It's Like A Haunted House Attraction Now
So, if I may offer a wee bit of levity into this serious situation. Maybe the tunnel has seen better days and needs to become a new Halloween attraction in Ann Arbor.
You can almost hear the radio commercials for the new Halloween Haunted House Attraction, called 'The Big House Tunnel'.
"Come see if you within stand the sheer horror that awaits inside (echo) 'THE BIG HOUSE TUNNEL'.
First, you will be pelted with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches thrown at you by the fearless Lions of Nittany.
Sure, it sounds innocuous until your peanut allergy swells up your eyes, and now you're staggering blindly into a pit of Buckeyes, who will bump into you and knock you off balance and call you names like 'The Team From Up North'!!!
But don't you think it's a good idea to trash talk now, as the worst is still yet to come!!!
Just as you regain your balance, a group of Spartans will descend upon you, swinging their helmets and kicking you into a pit of despair.
Will you survive THE BIG HOUSE TUNNEL? God only knows. And he can't hear your prayers!!!" (EVIL LAUGH)
The Assaulted Will Survive And This Incident Will Be Blown Up
The two Michigan players injured in the tunnel attack will survive, and the authorities will dole out more punishment for the attackers, but this event won't go away soon, unfortunately.
Which means look for pre-school rules to be instituted to make sure "the team with white shirts goes into the tunnel first, and once the safety patrol guard gives the okay, the blue team can go into the tunnel".
It's all just boys being boys, but it's not like we weren't warned.